By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
