did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
