Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sext me about skeletons
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize