So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
