Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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