My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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