I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
