Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
