1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
