just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
