Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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