I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
