So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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