my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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