so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
