just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize