Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
