Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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