I bet he comes in French.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
