return my video game
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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