So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
