I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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