There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize