Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
