Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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