Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
