omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
