Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize