Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
Thatβs quite a spread
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