she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
