i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
