And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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