i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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