You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
