How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
