Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
