You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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