You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You ruined the universe
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
