So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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