i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
