what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize