I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize