Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
