i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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