Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
