yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
