the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
