You're completely useless in the revolution.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize