Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
