this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There's even glitter on my cock...
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