im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
