I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
