Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
