He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
