The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
