It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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