uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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