apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
