margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't deserve a penis
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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