you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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