Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
